Kick in the Pants Therapy (Sample Article #6)

Feral Experiences Scale

The following instrument is designed to measure the symptoms of the Feral Child Syndrome, which occurs when infants are raised in the wilderness. Answer the questions as accurately as possible scoring one (1) for each true statement. Questions can be scratched into the table at the end of the test.

(1) I like being outside.
(2) I eat with my hands.
(3) I scratch myself wherever and whenever I have an itch.
(4) I clean my food before I eat it.
(5) Large predatory animals frighten me.
(6) I have dirt under my nails.
(7) I answer questions with grunts.
(8) At the dinner table, I point to what I want instead of asking.
(9) I think of the outdoors as one big toilet.
(10) When I feel like mating, I drool, prance around and rub my private parts on things.
(11) I growl when someone tries to steal my fries.
(12) I enjoy laying in warm, sunny places.
(13) Fire hydrants excite me.
(14) I sleep more when the weather is cold.
(15) I eat meat.
(16) I enjoy having my back and head scratched.
(17) I howl at the full moon.
(18) I sniff my food before I eat it.
(19) I like to listen to the song, Leader of the Pack.
(20) If I really like someone, I smell their private parts.
(21) I wear a chain around my neck.
(22) I don't check for traffic before crossing the street.
(23) My parents were mammals.
(24) I enjoy doing things at night.
(25) I stick my head out of the window in a moving car.

Scoring of Symptoms
21-25 You view Wolf Man Jack as kin
16-20 You run with the wolves most weekends
11-15 You occasionally wolf down your food
6 -10 You own a Steppenwolf album or two
0 - 5 You view Bambi as kin