Kick in the Pants Therapy (Sample Article #5)

Generation X Delusions

• I was the leading supplier of smoked salmon to the city's restaurants until I inhaled too many fish-bits into my lungs.
• I served in the regiment commanded by Colonel Sanders in the Great Chicken War.
• The dots and dashes on the highways are a secret message in Morse Code that I alone must decipher.
• Somebody ed in my genetic pool.
• There is a rotund man in a red suit who sees my therapist before I do. He has a fear of crawling down small chimneys on Christmas Eve - he suffers from santaclaustrophobia.
• Every now and then I go to the driving range to hit a bucket of chicken.
• My career as an arsonist came to an end when I was arrested for trying to start a fire in a rainforest.
• My imaginary companion parlayed my childhood fantasies into a multi-million dollar burger franchise.
• I was never happy being depressed.
• I was the world's most unfortunate Multiple Personality victim - each of my alters had its own Personality Disorder.
• I lost a bet that I could quit .
• I do not recall being voted the Village Idiot, but my name was on the ballot.
• They named a medical syndrome after me called the Generation X triad: substance ingestion, amnesia & priapism.