Kick in the Pants Therapy (Sample Article #4)
A Letter From Nob Noster, Nebraska
Lake Wobegon is a fictitious community created by Minnesota radio personality and writer Garrison Keillor.* The people in this town are remarkable for many qualities - the women are all strong, the men are all good looking and the children are all of above average intelligence. It is this last point that piqued the curiosity of the authors, a psychologist and a school principal.
The benefits of this good fortune are readily apparent. Shame, prejudice and despair are unknown to these children, who all seem to live happily ever after. Truancy is non-existent, teachers are relieved at not having to fail any students and special education classes (especially for the dreaded dyslexia/lysdexia syndrome) are not required. In order to spread this state of community bliss, the actual test by which the Wobegon Wunderkids achieved their superlative status is reprinted here. THE WOBEGON INTELLIGENCE TEST (T.W.I.T.) essentially eliminates developmental delays, saves paperwork and frees up counsellor's time - all without the added burdens of validity, reliability or unnecessary statistics.
T.W.I.T is divided into four parts, which can be given sequentially depending on how far above average parents want their children to be.
Question 1:
| Lake Wobegon is: | |
a) |
A lake. |
a) |
The place I call home. |
a) |
The apex of the Bermuda Triangle. |
a) |
Where ex-vice president Dan Quayle spent most of his daydreams. |
Question 2:
| Who is buried in Grant's Tomb? | |
b) |
Garrison Keillor. |
b) |
Ali Baba. |
b) |
Villains from Steven King novels. |
b) |
Grant. |
| Bonus Question Which Grant? |
|
c) |
Foster Grant. |
c) |
Amy Grant |
c) |
Hugh Grant. |
c) |
Research Grant. |
Question 3:
| What is the name Plato associated with? | |
d) |
The dog that appeared in some Disney movies. |
d) |
The planet furthest away from Lake Wobegon. |
d) |
The discoverer of philo pastry. |
d) |
The scrunchy stuff you can form with your hands. |
Question 4:
| According to Mother Goose, Monday's child is full of: | |
e) |
Woe. |
e) |
Granola. |
e) |
Irony. |
e) |
Garlic. |
ANSWER KEY
Question 1 - correct answer is (a).
Question 2 - correct answer is (b).
Bonus Question - correct answer is (c).
Question 3 - correct answer is (d).
Question 4 - correct answer is (e).
SCORING
Number of correct answers:
| 0 | Above Average Intelligence |
| 1 | Significantly Above Average Intelligence |
| 2 | Well Above Average Intelligence |
| 3 | Really Above Average Intelligence |
| 4 | Above Average Intelligence and Beyond Superlatives |
| 5 | Above Average Intelligence and Well Beyond Superlatives |
COMMENT
Use of T.W.I.T outside Lake Wobegon confirmed that the test shows absolutely no
reliability or validity, but that it is:
*If you agree with the premise of this article, credit the authors; if not, blame Garrison Keillor.